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SkipBurns.com
Friday, May 23, 2003

IRAQ. They are using American greenbacks for money. They are starting to speak our language. The country is being dominated by American companies and American interests. Americans run the government and pay the bills and screw things up just like they do at home and the citizens are starting to complain about everything just like Americans do at home. Can statehood be far behind?

Posted by donburnshomepage at 10:12 AM EDT
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Thursday, May 22, 2003

The lead stories are pretty grim this morning. Earthquake in Algeria. "Mad Cow" in Canada. Shooting in Iraq. More troops to Aceh (wherever that is). Pending attacks in the Persian Gulf. SARS still in China. Terror attacks in Israel. And of course the big crisis in the United States: Woman golfer to play in men's PGA tournament in Fort Worth. Only in America.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:16 AM EDT
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Wednesday, May 21, 2003


Problem: HEADLINES!!! Bombings in Saudi Arabia. Bombings in Morrocco. Terror alert raised to HIGH again. Imminent threats to major US cities over the Memorial Day weekend. Al Qaeda on the move. Nation urged to "Be Alert and Vigilant!"

Solution: Terminate the 6,000 just trained airport security inspectors we absolutely positively had to have a year ago.

Rationale: They did their job so well we are all safer and they are no longer needed.

Source: Presidential Bunker.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:53 AM EDT
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Tuesday, May 20, 2003

The networks are running the made for tv movies this week . Two blockbusters on those notorious icons of the 20th Century, Adolf Hitler and Martha Stewart.

Seems like she's everywhere. Daytime TV, K-Mart, Wall Street and now her own movie. About all that's left is to run for President which when you think about it isn't such a bad idea. They say she's tough and ruthless enough. She can make money and knows how to look out for number one. She has name recognition, knows as much about foriegn policy as the present occupant of the White House and knows how to entertain guests at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. About all that's left is the baby kissing routine and throwing out the first pitch of the season and she's in. So go for it Martha. The nation needs your help and the networks need a sequel.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 7:15 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, May 20, 2003 7:48 AM EDT
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Monday, May 19, 2003


I'm sure by now you've heard about the Democrats on the Texas Legislature who skipped to the Oklahoma Territory when the Republican majority tried to use the Texas state police to round 'em up for a quorum. Seems the Republicans needed them present in order to pass a pro-Republican redistricting plan. The Democrats say they're ready to do it again.

Next time I hope they flee to New York. Here in New York we'd like to borrow any legislature that could do something more than the one we've got, even if it's only to leave town.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:52 AM EDT
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Friday, May 16, 2003

The President seems well on his way to getting his $350 billion tax loan passed by Congress. He believes it will stimulate the economy that's been declining for the past two years, re-employ the two and a half million workers that have lost their jobs in the past two years, and re-invigorate the state and local government budgets that have been decimated by federal decisions in the past two years by putting more borrowed money back into the economy to replace the missing money from his last tax loan.

Since indirectly it's being borrowed from the people who will have to pay it back (namely you and me and our grandchildren) and the interest payments go to someone else (not you and me) I can safely predict another successful Phyrric Victory for the President.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 11:11 AM EDT
Updated: Saturday, May 17, 2003 8:17 AM EDT
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Thursday, May 15, 2003

Fifty years ago health care in America was a doctor at your house with a black bag for $15.
Today health care in America is $15 for an aspirin at your HMO provided you can live long enough to get yourself there, are steady enough to fill out the forms in triplicate and have scheduled in advance. That's progress.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 7:12 AM EDT
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Wednesday, May 14, 2003

The "War" appears to be over in Iraq and the "Plan A" to win the war is over too. Unfortunately there doesn't appear to be any "Plan B to follow Plan A". It's the "Field of Dreams" , "Shoot it and They will Come" approach to foriegn policy.

We have already replaced General Garner with a new candidate from the "potentate of the week club" . The Shi'ite majority is organizing to create a theocracy like Iran and our insufficient, unwanted and unprepared troops are left to play Mayor in the Indian Territories. This is starting to be as successful as our "plan" to win in Afghanistan where warlords now run about everything but the Coca Cola machine in Kabul. We also have "war plans" for Syria, Iran, North Korea, Camelot and probably even Grand Fenwick.

The only thing we seem to be better at than winning wars in foriegn countries is screwing up everything else in foriegn countries. Perhaps it's because we've run out of things to screw up at home.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:57 AM EDT
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Tuesday, May 13, 2003

The President visited a plastics factory yesterday. The workers can see the President and not get paid or go to work and get paid. Management's work for the day is seeing the President which means they get paid for doing what the workers get docked for. The President gets paid for showing up. The trip was put together to improve the President's standing with workers.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 7:36 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, May 13, 2003 7:35 AM EDT
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Monday, May 12, 2003

The big to do now is over the President's new tax cut which is supposed to do what the last one didn't which was give tax breaks to rich Republicans so's they can create more jobs for poor Democrats. The last one only created minus 2 million jobs. The thinking now is we just didn't give the rich guys enough working capital last time so we got to up the ante.

Besides, we're going to do it with borrowed money from rich Republicans at the prevailing rate. In Republican circles this is called win-win Republicanomics.

Posted by donburnshomepage at 7:33 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, May 14, 2003 9:00 AM EDT
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