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SkipBurns.com
Friday, July 23, 2004



The latest from Washington is that according to passport records Iran may actually have been the haven for the 9-11 hijackers instead of Iraq as the President had previously believed.

The administration immediately put a positive spin on the announcement by pointing out that it is a common mistake for the President to get the two countries confused what with them both being two syllable countries starting with an "I". The President has vowed to correct the "oversight" just as soon as he can re-assign our troops.

International reaction was swift as military units and national guards were called up in India and Iowa in preparation for an impending American invasion.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 4:30 AM EDT
Updated: Friday, July 23, 2004 4:33 AM EDT
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The latest from Washington is that according to passport records Iran may actually have been the haven for the 9-11 hijackers instead of Iraq as the President had previously believed.

The administration immediately put a positive spin on the announcement by pointing out that it is a common mistake for the President to get the two countries confused what with them both being two syllable countries starting with an "I". The President has vowed to correct the "oversight" just as soon as he can re-assign our troops.

International reaction was swift as military units and national guards were called up in India and Iowa in preparation for a possible American invasion.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 4:29 AM EDT
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Thursday, July 22, 2004



The Senate Committee investigating 9-11 says the intelligence community is a shambles and that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. That's nothing new. They're the same organizations that wanted Kennedy to invade Cuba after the Bay of Pigs. He said "No". At that time they told us that there were no "weapons of mass destruction" in Cuba. Forty years later we find out they were wrong. The Russians had tactical nukes and the field commanders had the authority and intention of using them on our Marines when they hit the beach.

The difference is not in the intelligence of the agency, the difference is the intelligence of the person the agency give the intelligence to.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 7:30 AM EDT
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Thursday, July 15, 2004



Most of you have probably heard about the administration's campaign for a Constitutional Amendment to ban gay marraiges.

Now it's not that I really favor gay marraiges. In truth I don't understand them. But then I don't know a man including myself, who understand his wife either.

But from the government's viewpoint I guess if two gay people are deluded enough to want to pay money to the state to get a license believing they will become as deliriously happy as the rest of the sufferers I believe we should take their money. If they are as successful as the rest of us we'll see half of `em again in a couple of years wanting to get themselves un-licensed in divorce court. And that's another money maker.

And then they can turn around and do it all over again just like us sane folks do. Meawhile the money just keeps rolling in.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:20 AM EDT
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004



Having raised the specter of rescheduling of the Fall Presidential election in case of a terrorist attack and then reading the polls, the administration is now taking a hiatus from election date roulette. Seems it didn't fly well with the citizenry.

A lot of Democrats concluded the Republicans wanted to move the date about four years. Too bad they didn't go ahead with it. It could have invigorated the campaigns. Might even have brought on an old fashioned riot or two.

Oh well. Guess we'll have to return to the old standbys: the war, the economy and incompetence. Course, after a while even that gets old.




Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:12 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, July 14, 2004 8:14 AM EDT
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Tuesday, July 13, 2004



Enron Chief Executive Ken Lay says he is responsible for what happened at Enron but did not commit any crimes. Everyone else at Enron did that.

Martha Stewart is not really guilty either. She too is a victim of the circumstance of just trying to make a dishonest buck while everyone else around her shouldn't.

And Scott Peterson really didn't drive halfway across California on Christmas Eve to dump his dead wife and unborn baby in the exact same bay he coincidentally was fishing in. According to his attorney there are a lot of other unidentified but suspicious fishermen that Scott could have seen dumping Lacie in the bay that day if he hadn't been so busy hauling in fish.

There is an old saying that the best defense is a good offense but if these three had their way the whole rest of the country should be in prison stripes and consider ourselves honored to have them as our wardens.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 2:41 AM EDT
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Sunday, July 11, 2004



The administration is talking about postphoning the November 2nd election if there is a terrorist attack in the United States come election time. Most people don't agree, at least the ones who aren't voting for the President don't like it.

The way they got it figured, the Republicans have got another ace up their sleeve to put Bush back in. They're not sure what it is, and they haven't quite figured out how they're going to do it but they know it's there and this whole election re-scheduling looks mighty suspicious.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with thinking about the idea. In fact I wish they'd have postphoned the last election for about four years, not that I was crazy about Bill Clinton either, but in his case the only person he seemed to damage on a regular basis was himself.

In any event, I see this as a winner all around. It will give the Democratic conspiracy theorist something more to theorize about, it will give the Republican administration something more to plot about, it will give the voters something more to be mad about and give the media something more to scandalize about which ought to make just about everybody stirred-up happy by keeping everyone mad.

Isn't that what our elections are all about anyway?



Posted by donburnshomepage at 11:33 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, July 13, 2004 2:02 AM EDT
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Saturday, July 10, 2004



The bi-partisan Senate Committee looking into how we got into the war in Iraq just returned with it's report. The report says the "intelligence was flawed".

The President immediately defended his intelligence by insulting ours in stating "we removed a declared enemy of America with the capability of producing Weapons of Mass Destruction".


The Bush Corollary to the Roosevelt Corollary to the Monroe Doctrine now states:

1. Any country who has oil and may or may not have had hijackers or may or may not have been a point of origin for said hijackers, and said country having the brains to put Clorox in a spray bottle and the capability of pulling the trigger, is hereby subject to invasion and appointive democratization by the democratically appointed government of the United States.

I suspect they are calling up the Home Guard in Canada.




Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:32 AM EDT
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Friday, July 9, 2004



The bloom is starting to come off the rose.

We went to Afghanistan to find Osama bin Laden. We are still looking. We went to Iraq to find WMD's. We are still looking.

Now the Pentagon can't find enough soldiers to send either place. Seems they only made a limited number and really never thought anybody would be crazy enough to send them somewhere, let alone TWO somewheres. So they're recycling 'em over and over and hoping the war ends before the troops do.

Then there is the latest Pentagon oversight. Seems the insurgency in Iraq is not foriegn led after all. It's Iraqi Sunnis who don't like us, want their power back and are four times as numerous as we thought. Oh, and the Pentagon doesn't think we can beat them militarily either.

Meanwhile the new democratically appointed government in Saigon (whoops, sorry, I meant to say Baghdad) is going to try and pacify the countryside.

I think it's time for the President to update his reading material to something a little weightier than "The Little Engine That Could".

Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:28 AM EDT
Updated: Saturday, July 10, 2004 7:34 AM EDT
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Thursday, July 8, 2004



Former Senator Al D'Amato from here in New York is making noise again. This time he wants the Republican ticket to dump Dick Cheney.

Don't know what he could be thinking of. Without Dick what will the President think? How will the President think? What will Halliburton think? What will Halliburton think of the President?

I think we need to take a pass on this one. After all, without Dick on the ticket the underpinings of all the conspiracy theorist lose credibility. Without Dick on the ticket the President could actually be in charge. Without Dick on the ticket, the Democrats might lose. Without Dick on the ticket, the Republicans might win. Let's stick with Dick.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:38 AM EDT
Updated: Thursday, July 8, 2004 10:59 PM EDT
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