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SkipBurns.com
Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The "oilmen vp's" came to Washington today to testify in front of Congress as to why the price of oil was so high.  The oil companies only sent the vice presidents because the presidents couldn't be bothered.  Since none of them could quite remember how many millions they made per year in salary it was also not surprising that none of them could quite remember why the price of oil was so high.  

They did "speculate" that it might have something to do with a falling dollar, general inflation and poor economic conditions in the country but didn't have a clue as to what might have caused that particular problem.

It basically was somebody else's fault but they weren't sure who. 

It was the classic "which came first, the chicken or the egg defense" presented by the "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" chimpanzees.

Congress concluded they were probably right.  It was somebody else's fault and as soon as they can figure out who, they will be added to their campaign contributors list. 

 


Posted by donburnshomepage at 10:52 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 10:54 PM EDT
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Thursday, March 20, 2008

Like I said the other day, we found President Cheney rummaging around Iraq only to discover on a PBS interview that he doesn't care if he ever finds us.

When asked if he cared what the American people (his employer) thought, his response was "No".  He then went on to explain that they would only interfere with his thinking on public policy.

Or, in other words, with our help he would never have been able to invent weapons of mass destruction, gutted the US economy to underwrite Halliburton, Blackwater and the government of Iraq on credit from money we have borrowed from the rest of the world, while undermining the Constitution and outsmarting the former governor of Texas who fantasizes that he is the President of the United States and thinks Dick works for him.

 


Posted by donburnshomepage at 11:29 PM EDT
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Monday, March 17, 2008

Well, we found President Cheney.  I had been concerned that George W. had been running around giving speeches without adult supervision and wondered where Dick was when we need him.  Turns out he's been hiding in Iraq.  Probably reviewing their waterboarding techniques to make sure it continues to not really be torture.

He says the whole place is stabilized now with only 43 people being killed today by a suicide bomber.  Apparently that's an improvement.  Here it would be a catastrophe but if Dick has solved Iraq's problems maybe it's time to come home and devote some time to ours.

He could start with the oil companies.  Whoops, he is the oil companies.  Maybe he could help with the housing foreclosures.  Aw forgot, he gets free housing.  Probably not his hot button.  Could do the economy, but.......he's already rich and those folks usually get richer if the roof caves in on the rest of us.

On second thought maybe he should just stay in Iraq and continue to save us from Osama baLama, or whatever his name is.  Been looking for him so long I can't even remember how to say his name. He's probably hiding out with Hitler in Argentina.  I understand there are some people still looking for that one too.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:23 PM EDT
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Sunday, March 16, 2008

Presidential Press Conference 101

For those of you who took time out of your busy schedule on Friday to learn of George W. Bush's views on the state of the economy, world events and how we will solve all of our problems, (which he seems to believe are only in our minds).........and are still ready to invest, Wall Street financial giant Bear Stearns is ready and waiting to take your money.....providing they are still in business on Monday morning.

For the more skeptical and realistic among us a surrealistic sense of a deja vue journey back to 1929 is only surpassed by trying to figure out what elementary school awarded this man his bachelors degree.  His depth of understanding of the workings of the world is only surpassed by his skill with the English language, his talent at writing musical lyrics and his ability to bring tears of pain to your eyes when he sings his song.

And then there are the bigger questions.  Like just where the Hell is President Cheney and why did he let George Jr. go out in public without adult supervision.

 


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:40 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, March 17, 2008 12:57 AM EDT
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

 

 

Running for public office is a funny sort of paradox.

It amounts to convincing people to vote for you on the pretext that you are a good person who will do good things while everyone knows full well that you will have to do bad things to other people that you wouldn't normally do just to get elected.

 

 

                                    

 

 

                                    

 

 

 


Posted by donburnshomepage at 6:09 AM EDT
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Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Well, it's over.  The results came in from Florida last week and Super Tuesday didn't provide any big surprises (unlike the Super Bowl).  It was probably over a year ago but most people didn't see it.

It will be Hillary Clinton vs. John McCain.  It's just a matter of formalities and time.

Of course the problem now that Super Tuesday is over is the campaign isn't.  It will be nine more months  of grueling rhetoric before the pain and the noise finally stops.

By election time we'll be so tired of candidates, hoopla, money wasted, dirty tricks and name calling that we'll all be voting for people that nobody likes.

 


Posted by donburnshomepage at 12:01 AM EST
Updated: Thursday, May 29, 2008 9:22 PM EDT
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Thursday, January 24, 2008

How to create credibility as a politician

1. Cast your vote in the Illinois state legislature.

2. Explain to the people that have supported you and can't understand why you voted against something they supported that you made a mistake and accidentally hit the wrong button when you voted.  You really meant to vote for the legislation not against it.

3.  Let the people that you voted with know that even though you are saying you opposed what you just voted for that it is OK because the vote can't be changed.  Besides that legislature that you help pass the laws for says it is OK too,  

4.  Do it five times. 

5.  Run for President. 


Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:38 PM EST
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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

The primaries are underway and everybody wants to be the President.  Aside from eating regular and free airplane rides the job's kind of a dead end.  Where do you go from there? Which leaves you wondering what the big hook is.  

According to the candidates it's because they are going to do all the things you would do to make all the wrong things in the world right,.... if you had the time, kind of.  Some of 'em will even tell you what some of those things might be, sort of, if they can figure out what it is you think they should tell you. 

And then there's the money.  You don't get a big salary by some millionaires standards but you get to spend just about everybody's money in the whole country including the bucks they don't even have yet.  

 

 


Posted by donburnshomepage at 9:19 PM EST
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Wednesday, December 5, 2007

 

 "The Whatevers"

 

Supreme Court is trying to decide what to do with Guantanamo and the Muslim folks who’ve been vacationing there for the past six years courtesy of the Bush Administration. 

 

According to the President they aren’t considered to be POW’s because then they would have rights under the Geneva Convention and we might have violated those rights.  The Iraq and Afghan Wars where we caught most of them really aren't wars either for this particular purpose or else they would be POW's.  They are wars only when we need more funding. 

 

I guess if they are not POW's, or soldiers or what.....I guess we'll call them "The Whatevers". 

 

So now the question is.....do these "Whatevers" have any legal rights at all or can we keep them till they die?.....at which point we'll all just forget about this.    And of course the answer is going to have all kinds of ramifications no matter which way the court decides it.

 

If they have rights it is going to be hard to argue that they have been dealt with fairly over the past six years unless you consider being held in secret, in solitary confinement, without an attorney and without charges, "due process".  And they haven't been tortured either because the vice-President has declared that anything we have done to the "Whatevers"  to make them talk isn't torture but he can't tell you what we've done.  That's a secret.  He says whatever we've done it is to protect us . .........from whom he didn't say. 

 

And on the other hand, if the court finds these "Whatevers"  don”t have any rights then I have to start worrying about my own.


Posted by donburnshomepage at 8:09 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, December 5, 2007 9:02 PM EST
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Monday, August 6, 2007

     The surge is still going on in Iraq and the generals are trying to find ways to tell us that it is working without  having to provide any proof.  That's because there isn't any. 

     The latest broohaha is about the number of weapons issued to the Iraqi Army and police by the U.S. that can"t be accounted for (that means they are missing).  Like half of the rifles and pistols are gone or at best we don't know where they are or who has them.  The Pentagon says they don't have a clue.

     Like you need a Phd. to figure that one out.  If we don't have them and the Iraqi Army and the Iraqi Police don't have them and they are still in Iraq I bet you know who has them. So call the Pentagon and enlighten them.  who knows they may be so impressed they'll put you in the army and send you over there to look for them.

 


Posted by donburnshomepage at 11:03 PM EDT
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